In an Uncertain World

Uncertainties in life threaten our hold on security and it must be one of the scariest feeling in the world. Even though the cliche goes that we have to step out of comfort zone to experience ‘real life’, you can’t not think about just diving into what you want head on because let’s face it, you can’t really live a life without having to worry about what you’re gonna eat for the day or the roof you’re gonna live in. And that’s the biggest factor hindering us in thriving for our dreams.

At least for me, it is.

If I only had it my way, I wouldn’t work in the corporate world. I would want to be a writer full-time where I get to travel to places I want to go and catch some inspiration from them. But how can I do that when I don’t have the money to support it. I feel like I’m being a pessimist right now because of my views, but this is the real world and life is never fair. 

I’ve been feeling down for the past few month because of this and the fact that I’m frustrated with my current job because I’m not doing what I love and actually, there’s not much money in doing what I love because when you’re a starting writer, there’s really nothing. But I do hope someday, even just in the sidelines I get to do my dream.

Amidst all these worries and uncertainties, I always end up doing something I regret because of depression but I am just amazed at how God never forgets to give me reminders of His love and support. I was checking my emails today when a daily verse really struck my situation at the moment:

“I TELL YOU, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU WILL EAT OR DRINK; OR ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHAT YOU WILL WEAR.  IS NOT LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD, AND THE BODY MORE IMPORTANT THAN CLOTHES?  LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR; THEY DO NOT SOW OR REAP OR STORE AWAY IN BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM AND WHY DO YOU WORRY ABOUT CLOTHES?  SEE HOW THE LILIES OF THE FIELD GROW.  THEY DO NOT LABOR OR SPIN.  YET I TELL YOU THAT NOT EVEN SOLOMON IN ALL HIS SPLENDOR WAS DRESSED LIKE ONE OF THESE.” ( MATTHEW 6:25-26; & 28-29 )

So right now, I won’t worry that much anymore because somehow God has given me assurance that He will always be there to help me and that He has a plan for me, I just need to practice patience a bit more harder.

I guess I can’t say I’m instantly cured of my feeling of uncertainty, from time to time, it’ll always sprung up but I’m just really glad that I know God is there for me. So please, Lord, help me achieve something fulfilling in my life.

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A Heavy Feeling

Everyday hundreds or even thousands of people die, from newborn babies to little children, to teenagers, to mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, each one no matter what age, we find that they were gone too soon. 

Often we have this feeling that there’s always a tomorrow, and it’s a positive thing because we are made to hope, but at one point there will be no tomorrow and everything will just go black, and in a blink of an eye we’ll be facing our Maker. At 21, there are times that I feel so old but haven’t really done anything worthwhile to prove that I have lived a life that was given to me. People my age would mostly say that we are young and that the road ahead is long, but we can’t always guarantee that. With these youth roots within us, we want to live recklessly, to make as many mistakes as we can, to just live a life of freedom without regrets and I believe that because I want that but it also makes me think that what if I live a reckless life full of mistakes and never get to make up for them tomorrow? 

Death actually scares me. I cannot describe how but when I think of it, tears just automatically well up in my eyes and the emotions just run through even when there’s no one to really mourn. Death is such a heavy feeling that everyone will experience. I guess for me, it’s not the idea of death that scares me but actually of not being with Jesus after death.

I can never refer myself to even an inch of close to being a good Christian at the moment, but I cannot deny that all those years spent with God cannot make me doubt His love for me and that no matter what black hole I let myself fall into, He will never let go of my hand, instead He falls with me.

There are moments when I look up the sky and feel like it is endless, but realize like all things, it ends. My life in this world will end. I won’t know if I’ll live long enough to reach 40 or even have my own children but I guess right now at this moment, I am just thankful of the life that God has given me and that I cannot promise for now, but will try my best to be good enough of a person worthy to face Him.